Don’t Be Scared Of Sibling Rivalry
In most families sibling rivalry is common. Fighting and arguing with your brothers and sisters as you grow up together is natural and this should not cause alarm. Sibling rivalry does not happen in every family although happens in plenty families.
Your children have a good overall relationship with one another and seem to be happy otherwise, sibling rivalry is nothing to worry about. When things get out of hand and sibling rivalry causes unhappiness in a child parents should step in. Ignoring the situation does not make it go away and could cause difficulty with close relationships and other problems for your child in the long run.
Reasons for jealousy, sibling rivalry and provocation include:
Having a personality that is jealous or aggressive
Low self-esteem
Very little social skills
People with low self-esteem are usually not happy with themselves and need others to give them validation, mostly from members of their own family. If your view is focused on the fact that you are unhappy with yourself then you might become envious and then think that people around them are better than them. If this person does not have good social skills they will get their frustrations out by “acting out and this will cause sibling rivalry.
How to Deal with Sibling Rivalry
When dealing with sibling rivalry that is unhealthy you should do it as indirectly as possible. If you deal with it directly you might make someone think you are taking sides and make the situation worse. The alienated child might feel victimized and then blame you for it and become aggressive.
Tips on dealing with sibling rivalry:
Give the child that is being alienated plenty of attention, support and love.
Spend a little more time with the child that is having the problem, this will give him more self-esteem.
Find the reason that the child is unhappy.
Encourage your child to talk to you, but dont yell because this will have the opposite effect on the child.
When he has calmed down, ask him what he would advise a friend of his to do in a similar situation. He might come up with some original and helpful ideas.
Discuss the situation with your childs teacher at school and other adults that work with this child. Keep in mind the amount of experience that school teachers have with children your childs teacher may be able to assist you in coming up with the plan to help your child.
If needed, you can visit a child psychologist just for information (dont bring the child along).
Jealousy and sibling rivalry can begin at any age although it is usually during childhood while the child is attempting to create or discover his own identity that these problems arise. These problems may also occur during puberty, adolescents and even early adulthood depending on the individual situation. These situations are easier to deal with while child is young. As a child matures your advice may not be taken as easily.
Adult Sibling Rivalries
When adult children tend to have problems with their siblings and become disruptive during family get together some may find the best form of intervention is an adult sibling rivalry group. In this group different types of interventions will have to be implemented. Below are some basic possibilities for solving the issue of sibling rivalry:
If you have a good relationship with your child, try to get him to discuss the problem. Remain impartial and don’t me judgmental.
You might want to get a third party, perhaps a close friend or spouse, to talk to your child.
Have an objective person mediate between the two siblings.
If the second sibling is more likely to accept advice, talk to him first. You will need a lot of tact and discretion.
Building self-esteem in your children is not always easy, especially after there have been issues with sibling rivalry. Never give up on getting a good relationship built between your children. Some of the closest siblings didnt start out that way; they had to work through their issues as well. In the end, if you make an honest effort to show your children how to get along and how to treat one another it will work out.
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